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Learning From Life’s Experiences Natalie Oldham The summer afternoon lagged on as two very young girls pulled up blades of grass from the front lawn. They were piling it as high as they could out of boredom. They thought their only salvation from the heat, their boredom and other activities would be a slumber party. Earlier in the day, just after they ran through the sprinklers Nicole, the younger of the two, asked her mother if she could have Janet over for the night. After hearing the rejection they couldn’t think of another thing that would be as fun. Of course, the whole reason for summer was to have fun. There was no way they could be happy or have any fun now. So there they sat in the cooling shade of Nicole’s simple home with a mountainous grass hill between them. There was absolutely nothing else to do. "We hate your mother," was Janet’s bold statement to her toe headed little friend. "Yeah," agreed Nicole as she added the final touch to their collection of yard, a yellow dandelion. Just beyond them in the ever so open picture window sat the hated mother. Carol had been quietly reading a novel when she overheard the two girls discussing their feelings about her and her "horribly wrong" decision. Quite amused at their response to the disappointment, she searched for some paper and something to write with. She knew this conversation was one to be recorded for future laughs. Carol could hardly contain her laughter for the girls were quite young and so dear to listen to. "We’re not gonna to talk to your mother," Janet continued. "Yeah." "We’re going to get your mother." "Yeah," Nicole held out the word as if she was devising a plan. Janet came up with an idea before Nicole could explain her thoughts, "And we’re going to be rich and we won’t share it with Carol." "Yeah." "We’ll share it with my mom and Lee [Nicole’s father] and Brad [Nicole’s brother] and Michael [Janet’s brother] but not Carol," Janet’s voice was nasally when she came to Carol’s name, showing her disgust. An airplane thundered overhead and the two girls squinted up to find it. The plane disappeared behind the rooftop and the noise followed. After the long pause and gazing silence, Nicole resumed the conversation with a question. "Are you cry [ing]?" Janet couldn’t get her mind off the previous mentioned money. She contemplated what she would do if something interfered with her sudden wealth. "If my sister ate all my money I would cry." Though Janet and Nicole are young, they are a perfect example of how we all behave at times. They never did have a slumber party or come up with another activity that might be slightly fun. Their minds were set on what they could do for fun and once that notion was shattered, they were lost. How do you react to disappointment and change? Do you feel lost and hopeless if things don’t go your way? Do you feel all other opinions besides your own are wrong? Are you like Janet and Nicole? I believe there truly is a little of the two girls in all of us. We have our minds set on a particular thing or idea and there is no seeing, hearing or acting any different. When things don’t go our way we all, on occasion, become like Janet and Nicole. Reacting to disappointing situations isn’t always terrible. In fact, reacting to anything just means you are alive and living your life. When we are let down, the initial reaction is usually a negative one. This would include crying, yelling, overly physical reactions, getting revenge and many others. The positive side comes from how these reactions change into other more productive reactions. Life doesn’t always go our way and things will inevitably change. Very often that change is not what we expect or even want. Now the question is, how do we keep from reacting like and/or becoming like Janet and Nicole? They couldn’t progress with the way they were handling their predicament. In order to answer the above mentioned question, there are three specific ideas that we need to learn. We all have opportunities in our lives to learn. Learning these three concepts will not happen all at once and may even be relearned, for we tend to conveniently forget them. First we need to realize that everyone is different. We understand this idea most of the time but I think more often than not we get caught up in ourselves and what we think is right. If we practice remembering that everyone is different we will be able to welcome other ideas and solutions. This is the second thing we need to learn. We may think our answers are the best and that there is no other way that could be better. The truth is that there are many solutions to every problem. Some better than others and some that work just the same. It takes time to learn other people’s ways and ideas but taking the time can be so beneficial. Our surroundings will change and so will people, including ourselves. Thirdly we need to learn what we do and do not have control over. The only true thing we can control is our own reaction and response to what changes. There are exceptions and limitations to what each individual has control over. One possible limitations may be lack of experience because of age. For example, Janet and Nicole are young and have time and experiences ahead of them in which they will learn these three concepts. Therefore it is not expected that they would know them already. Another limitation may be a persons lack of physical or mental health. If a person is not well they may not have an equal opportunity to learn these ideas. These limitations may require some adjustment in the above mentioned concepts. In the case of this paper we will assume that these limitations do not exist. Now that we are aware of these important concepts, lets analyze some opportunities in which the concepts may or may not have been learned. Okonkwo, in Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe, has many opportunities to learn these concepts. Because of fear and pride he does not allow any learning to take place. He fails to accept differences in other people. Any behavior that is not in compliance with his own ideals is not of value to Okonkwo. His father, Unoka, was a man who loved life and spent everything he had on enjoying it. He loved his family and died a man with no title and in much debt (4-8.) When asking most people about their parents they respond with an answer somewhat similar to this one, "I love them but I don’t want to be anything like them." In Okonkwo’s case he would probably very simply state, "My father was not successful; therefore I am going to be everything that is opposite of him, even if it is against my natural self." He strives to be so opposite of his father that he forgets even who he is. Okonkwo spends his whole life with efforts to gain titles, be strict with his family and to have wealth. He cannot accept that his father had a different way of living life that was acceptable in his own mind. This keeps Okonkwo from being his true self. The night that his daughter is taken by Chielo to the shrine, Okonkwo is worried. One of his wives, Ekwefi, follows Chielo in the darkness. Okonkwo can only bear the waiting for so long and follows after them. To cover up his sensitive feelings toward his family Okonkwo makes an excuse that he thought his wife would have done something foolish (108-109.) If Okonkwo would have accepted his father as someone simply different than himself, Okonkwo could have lived a happier life. He may have even been more successful than what he already was. The way I learned about the importance of being aware that everyone being different wasn’t from a disappointment or a situation like Okonkwo’s. It was from a roommate. Of course I already knew that each person had their own ways, their own style and what not. I just didn’t think that two girls of the same age, just starting college, in religious agreeance, and both from the west coast could be so amazingly different. After a month or so of living together we realized that we had very different interests. Music, clothing, food, shower times, friends and even our ideas about the same religion differed. One night we were discussing some of these differences and my roommate nonchalantly said, "Well, I guess everybody is just different." What she said passed through all the corners of my mind for the next several days. She was so unconcerned about us being so different. I was so focused on why we weren’t more similar that our differences became irritating. After pondering that issue it seemed that the last three months of our being roommates were much easier. I’m glad I took the opportunity at that time to learn this because I have had many "different" roommates since then. Accepting that there is more than one solution to any given situation is another difficulty for Okonkwo. He has the opportunity to learn and accept this idea many times in his life but nothing came of them If he had, the predicament with his son, Nwoye, would have been immensely changed. Nwoye spent time with the Christian missionaries and eventually joined their religion (143-147.) Okonkwo, being very loyal to his clan, becomes ashamed of Nwoye and disowns him. He does not allow for any other possibilities. His initial reaction is correct in his mind and nothing can change that. Nwoye was just doing what he felt was right for himself. It wasn’t directed toward his family in any way. Nwoye’s change just angers his father and sets his mind deeper in his decision to disavow his son. Another solution could have saved the relationship between Okonkwo and his first son, Nwoye. Okonkwo sacrifices that because he was not open to other solutions. When I was a little girl in third grade, my mother taught me about the many ways to solve a problem. I had an art project that was due the very next day. I had known about the assignment for a few weeks and just couldn’t think of the perfect way to create a snowy landscape until I absolutely had to. My fabulous idea, in which I was extremely proud, was to draw an iced over lake and snow patches with white crayon on a white sheet of paper. Then I would use purples, blues and pale green shades of water colors to cover the whole page. The white crayon would resist the water color and the white would show through. Well, this semi-brilliant idea was going along wonderfully and I was almost done, after two hours of attempting perfection. Just as I was carefully adding the dark blue details my brother danced in the room and jerked my paintbrush. A wet bar of deathly blue was streaked across my snowy wonderland. Immediately I gave up and threw my paintbrush, "Look what you did! Now I have to start all over!" That was my only solution to my disappointment. My mother, sitting nearby calmed me down and smiled, "Oh, we can fix that." She tore a paper towel off the roll and blotted the shining darkness off the page. My art project hung on the special bulletin board in Ms. Erickson’s classroom. I still remember my mother’s calm voice and face when she saw the accident. She certainly had a different approach to solving the problem. The final concept of what we can and cannot control ends Okonkwo’s life. Over time, Okonkwo’s clan changes while Okonkwo is away in temporary exile. Okonkwo cannot accept their change but most of all he can’t understand it. He attempts to take control over the clan and voices his feelings in which he thinks they should agree. They quite disagree and are confused by Okonkwo’s behavior. In irrationality Okonkwo kills the head messenger. This causes an uproar of confusion among the clan and also in Okonkwo’s mind. When the district commissioner finally finds Okonkwo, he is dangling from a tree by his neck (202-209.) In realizing that he could not have control over his clan, his father, his son, or anything else around him, Okonkwo makes his choice and ends his life. Life was changing all around him and he couldn’t handle the lack of control. If he had taken the opportunity to realize what he could and could not control, Okonkwo could have saved his own life as well as the happiness of others. He was directionless without control Recently I was hired as a parking officer. Being the only female in that position I felt a need to be extraordinarily capable and efficient in my performance. I wanted to control my coworker’s ideas of me as a female in a position that required physical labor. Everything was fine for a couple of months until one of the officers, of my same status, practically commanded me to complete one of their assignments. It occurred to me that no matter what I did, I would not be able to control others opinions of me nor their actions. Now, in this situation should I behave irrationally like Okonkwo or should I use what I have learned in my past experiences and take advantage of this opportunity? We are not on our own in learning these concepts of the differences in people, the many ways to solve a problem and especially our perception of control. If we are aware of these ideas and understand them through life and personal experiences we may be able to avoid our childish reactions to disappointment and change. When Janet and Nicole couldn’t have their slumber party they reacted in a way that children naturally do. Okonkwo is an adult and never does learn which of his reactions are progressive nor how to learn from life. Through my experiences I feel that I have better learned to adjust to unexpected disappointment and change. Life will have more meaning if we take the opportunity to learn through experiences.
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