The Effects of Sexual Child Abuse On Female Victims

"Somehow there’s a real reluctance on the part of optimistic people like Americans to acknowledge the presence of evil." Bill Moyers, "But evil exposed must be acknowledged" (Hamilton v).

Sexual abuse can no longer be denied! Its effects are devastating, especially for young children who may be too young to understand that it’s not their fault and are bombarded with feelings of confusion, guilt and shame. These feelings lead to many negative short and long term effects on self-esteem, self perception and perception of others (i.e. men). This abuse can also cause PTSD, a lack of trust, fear for safety, fear of intimacy, insecurity, and powerlessness. These different feelings which are brought on by sexual abuse can affect relationships in many devastating ways: Lack of trust for a partner, dealing with repressed emotions, insecurity and paranoia, power struggles, communication problems, promiscuity and the pain of dealing with intimacy and the fear of rejection. However, this devastation can be avoided by treating the problem of abuse through confrontation, communication and counseling.

What Is Child Abuse?

Child abuse can be defined as the willful and unjustifiable infliction of pain and suffering on children (Britannica p. 207), sexual abuse is one type of abuse where the child is sexually violated by an assaulter. This type of abuse is devastating to the child in many ways, causing

"delays in physical growth, impaired language and cognitive abilities, and problems in personality development, learning, and behavior." (Britannica p. 207).

Why kid’s don’t tell

One of the biggest concerns with childhood abuse is that "kid’s don’t tell". They find it very hard to admit and confront what is going on, because it usually involves a superior adult or parental figure that is abusing the child. In these situations the child is afraid to confront a more powerful figure especially a parent in whom a child is expected to trust, confide in, respect and love. The child is doubtful that anyone will believe them over a more "respected" member of the community. This fear is often intensified by threats from the abuser, threats that the child will get in trouble, be hurt, get blamed or cause the family to split apart. The child may also be prevented from telling by feelings of guilt and confusion experienced in conjunction with sensations of pleasure from the abuse. This is often the only attention or "love" that the adult gives the child.

If a child does find the courage to tell someone about the abuse and that person denies, ignores or is unsupportive of the child’s accusations, the abuse will inevitably persist while the child will lose hope in their situation and trust in adults. These early patterns of the child’s communication efforts being refuted will not only discourage the child to talk about it again, it can also lead to problems with open communication in later relationships and a fear of rejection when exposing deep inner emotions.

Unconditional support of the child

Imagine for a moment a young innocent girl relating to you a crime of which she has been a victim—sexual child abuse. You haven’t witnessed the act; the screaming, the flailing arms, or the futile kicking, but the desperation in the little girl’s eyes and the pleading look on her face is apparent. First of all, do you believe her, let alone are you going to try and save her from her hopeless situation? The only possible answer is a conclusive YES!!!

This young girl is putting all her remaining trust in you, her faith in the human race is already beaten and tattered. Children do not often lie, to fabricate such an intense, involved and threatening situation would be highly improbable if not impossible. To deny her sincerity, make excuses for yourself or the offender and leave the situation untouched would destroy any hope she has for her future…you are her only hope.

If you don’t act, perhaps only one life is lost, then again maybe not. Where does the terror stop? Nowhere—if the perpetrator is not challenged by other adults wanting to help an untainted suffering child. The only choice is to take action, no matter the status, respect or power of the accused. Whatever the facade, the aggressor is the same underneath—power hungry, no self-control and sick. They will not stop unless acted upon; if not, the vicious cycle will continue indefinitely. Preying on children and victimizing the innocent again and again.

Now imagine that you are the victim—screaming your lungs out but nobody hears, kicking your legs but nobody feels, swinging you arms in frantic signals of SOS but nobody sees, pleading desperately but nobody helps? Hope lost, trust gone, faith beaten, voice silent…no one else to listen and nowhere else to run!

What a tragedy, to have cases go unreported due to the adult’s dread of the consequences, shame of the situation or desire to keep the problem private and personal. How pitiful to base their decision of not helping the child on the fact that the abuser is an influential and respected member of the community. Even if they aren’t a likely suspect or could do damage to the accuser, the child’s life is more important than saving reputations. Even more frequently, nothing is done because the abuser is a family member, and the feeling is such that to expose one member is to admit family failure. "How will assaults on children ever end if we allow some abusers to escape exposure due to special relationships, or misplaced loyalties?"(Hamilton 190). To deny a child’s plea for help hinders the healing process. The child is forced to suppress their emotions and keep the information "private" when it needs to dealt with openly and professionally. This heavy burden is too great for the child to bear alone and magnifies the possible consequences.

The child’s courage in telling about the abuse shows their desperation to get out of the situation. This desperation should be recognized and respected--the outsider has the obligation to get help for the child, regardless of the consequences. The child needs to be supported at this critical time in their life--they are putting all their remaining faith in an adult or confidant to help them. This faith which has already been violated and diminished is susceptible to destruction if it is hit with another blow from an adult unwilling to listen or aid the child in getting help. One must put absolute trust in the child, no matter who they are accusing. To place blame on the child, deny their accusations or accuse them of lying, could be detrimental to their self-esteem and prevent them from seeking help elsewhere, for fear of similar rejection.

Self blame

Another problem of confrontation, shared by children and adults alike, is a feeling of self-blame. "Behavioral self-blame" occurs when the victim places responsibility for the abuse on personal "modifiable behaviors", while "characterological self-blame" is more internal and blame is associated with stable personality traits (Koss and Mukai p. 486). The former is less damaging and easier to deal with because the victim has control over behaviors, while the latter is more destructive because it is an internal reflection on personality. However, both share the fear of telling someone because the victim feels partly, if not wholly, responsible for the abuse. This self-blame is one of the most destructive and dangerous elements of sexual abuse, not only does it temporarily repress the victims emotions but it can also lead to low self-esteem and a deep misperception of self and others. Self-blame is a type of self-inflicted emotional abuse, where the victim beats them self up because of the situation they are in, this adds another aspect of abuse that needs to be dealt with to fully recover. Constant reassurance that the child is not at fault is vital to the child’s reconstruction of self-worth.

How Does Sexual Abuse Affect Relationships?

In abusive relationships, especially an adult abusing a child, it is an issue of power and control of one person’s will over another. Children are more susceptible and powerless in these situations, since they are constantly taught to respect and obey authority. However, sexual abuse is an exploitation of this power and causes the child to feel helpless, worthless and condemned to a similar fate throughout life. "Sexually abused children may suppress their own needs and wants, believing they are secondary to the needs of the adult or that they do not deserve anything, that their main purpose in life is to please the adult and fulfill his or her needs" (Kinnear 37) This aspect of abuse can be carried into adult relationships, causing power struggles and compromise dysfunctions. The victim’s low self-esteem and misplaced self-worth on pleasing others, foreshadows their potential of being oppressed and controlled by a domineering partner. The victim may feel doomed to controlling relationships after being involved in such an extreme abusive situation, and could show a tendency to give in when conflict arises instead of resolving problems with compromise. When power is not shared and compromise is absent in a relationship it causes dependency, manipulation and inequality.

Trust, communication & intimacy

In healthy relationships--trust, communication, intimacy and compromise are key elements; however, sexual abuse can tear away at these healthy qualities. Suspicion and paranoia are two common results of sexual abuse, causing a woman to acquire an irrational fear of the opposite sex. "When the trauma is severe, recurring or sustained, so that it is hard to reestablish a feeling of normalcy, the initial sense of being startled, hurt, and overwhelmed begins to emerge into a gestalt including persistent states of readiness or arousal in which one is always anticipating, always prepared for, the worst" (Glaz 46). The victim may fear the possibility of being abused, taken advantage of, or cheated on by her companion, she may even fear for her children’s safety. This impairs the trust that is vital to good relationships. "The scar that stays the longest is a deep inability to trust others, particularly men. They find themselves suspecting other motives, feeling that they are being used. They have a hard time opening up or getting close, because they fear that all men want from them is sex" (Finkelhor 214).

Often times, sexual abuse causes communication gaps to occur within relationships. Sexual abuse is not a light topic that is easy to discuss with a companion, it is uncomfortable and even humiliating for someone to admit that they have been victimized. Fear of rejection is a major factor in a woman’s silence; she may fear that relating these horrible events from her past will cause her husband to lose respect and love for her, that somehow the abuse is a reflection on her own personality and behaviors. This is magnified in that, talking about sexual abuse is often accompanied by pain and emotion that has been repressed or forgotten. These pent up emotions, without communication as a channel for release, constitute the makings of a walking time

bomb. However, addressing sexual abuse is the first and most difficult step in the painstaking healing process.

"If you can face it

you can probably bear it.

If you can bear it

you can probably change it."

James Baldwin (Hamilton vii)

A woman who is sexually abused as a child may develop a fear of intimacy with a man because the sanctity of sex, and love between a man and a woman has been exploited and perverted, it may even be viewed as profane by the victim. "Children learn from the important adults in their lives how to have a significant human relationship. Once a person has learned how to have a relationship with other people, then the sexual component can be added as a special expression of a special relationship. If the parents or significant adults are sexual with the child, the young person will always have a difficulty sorting out sexuality and relationship." Patrick Carnes (Hamilton 53). In this manner the assaulter has taken away something very precious and sacred to the woman—her virtue, and has greatly distorted her view of intimate relationships. The abuser has implanted in her mind the idea that sex is synonymous and inseparable from the definition of a relationship. However, this simply isn’t true; relationships should first be built on friendship, honesty, trust and love. When these aspects are stable, sexual relations can add a great intimacy.

Without these fundamental qualities serving as a foundation for a healthy relationship, The victim may develop sexual dysfunctions (the majority of which are caused psychologically). This can be attributed to trauma in the past and the victim’s fear of being violated once again, "our findings suggest that childhood sexual abuse may play a role in the development of sexual dysfunctions involving pain and avoidance of intercourse" (Wilsnack 274). Sometimes, even when the victim isn’t afraid, the first intimacy that she experiences with her companion may bring back painful memories and repressed emotions from previous experiences of sexual abuse. "Others, find that the incestuous experience leaves them frightened and rejecting of sexual behavior. Sexual contact conjures up detested memories of the father’s advances…" (Finkelhor 214). This can cause tension in the marriage and make her uncomfortable with further intimacy. This problem is magnified if her partner doesn’t know where her feelings are coming from, or is unaware of her past. This communication barrier adds to the problem and creates a misunderstanding between the two companions, which widens the gulf between them.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

These relived memories are closely associated with another serious problem area—Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). "The characteristic symptoms involve reexperiencing the traumatic event, avoidance of stimuli associated with the event or numbing of general responsiveness and increased arousal" (Kinnear 40). Not only does the victim relive the horror again and again, this "reality" causes them to continually avoid anything related to the event including sexual relations in a loving relationship. Even more tragic is the state of numbness that the victim yearns for to shut off the pain of their experience; however, this closes all the channels that are vital to heal the victim. They become alienated and isolated from other’s and distance themselves from much needed relationships. Along with this aspect, the victim has increased arousal, in the sense of intense fear, terror and helplessness. They truly are experiencing a living hell always wondering when they will have their next episode, constantly mistrusting everyone around them and afraid that they will forever be a captive of the abuse. This disorder often brings a sense of hopelessness and despair as they relive the abuse and ask the question—will it ever really end?

Promiscuity

Insecurity and misperception of physical, emotional and spiritual value make it hard for a woman to love herself once again, let alone to find the courage to extend it to another in a dedicated, deep and demanding relationship. "It is common for them to have spent many years feeling ugly, sinful, and irreparably different. They often blame themselves for the incest" (Finkelhor 214). In opposition to the fear of intimacy, this low self-esteem can lead the victim to find love, attention and gratification in alternative promiscuous relationships. "The unfortunate lesson that some children take away from the sexual abuse is that it is only through offering sex that they can capture any love and attention, and they carry that fruitless quest on into their adulthood" (Finkelhor 214). Often times, the only affection received by a child victim is the sexual advances made by an adult. They carry this idea with them that the only way to be loved is to give a man what he wants…sex. They misplace their self-worth and satisfy their need to belong and be loved by gratifying other’s sexual desires.

How can victim’s heal from sexual abuse?

Time is a major healing factor in sexual abuse; however, the amount of time to recover varies among individual situations and there are stipulations. Time can only heal if the victim confronts the issue. If the episodes are repressed temporarily they will only reappear later in the victim’s life unveiling hidden and dormant emotions. When unleashed, these emotions can be more damaging, because they have been festering instead of healing over time. These pent up emotions which have intensified over time may manifest themselves in an explosion--a nervous break down, severe depression or even suicide. These overwhelming consequences reiterate the importance of helping and treating victims as soon as the sexual abuse is discovered. It is not a problem that will go away if ignored or denied, it will, however, persist and probably worsen. This should strengthen the resolve to help victims overcome their fear of confronting a seemingly invincible abuser and hopeless situation.

Time alone is not enough to heal a victim of sexual abuse, the healing process is a deeply involved, demanding and extensive process that requires sensitivity, understanding, reassurance, support and love. Seeing a person go through counseling to deal with self-blame, depression, fears and emotions is a very demanding position to be in. However, it is one of the most important roles in the victims recovery. "However awful the abuse, children who have others available to provide comfort and consolation are left with fewer dangerous residual effects of abuse." This same principle applies to the child’s relationships in adulthood. Being a part of the support system to a victim undergoing counseling is instrumental to their recovery and comes at a very crucial time in their life. During this process they are rebuilding relationships, regaining trust and overcoming fears deeply implanted in the mind. It is a very fragile time in their life and support or the lack of it can make or break the victim’s attempts to mend their life.

In conclusion, the sexual abuse of children can have many painful negative effects on their lifetime relationships, including: Fear of intimacy, power struggles, lack of trust, PTSD, promiscuity and communication barriers. However, these consequences can be lessened and even avoided if victims and observers will confront the problem and seek help in the healing process. The child who is courageous enough to admit the abuse should be trusted and supported so as not to further the damage done by the abuse itself. This support is instrumental to the healing process and should not be taken for granted. No matter the abusive situation, there is hope and help for victims and abusers alike, but the first step is admitting that there is a problem and then facing that problem head on.

"We cannot undo the past. We can eliminate its power over us and become the vital, creative human beings we were meant to be. You are stronger than you think, to have survived this long—alone. You can join the thousands, who at this moment are healing themselves, becoming whole, and walking free" (Hamilton 230).