Abuse

Multi-Genre
Jennifer E. Davis
English 120 Honors
Shaun Roundy
11/12/97

"Lonesome dove we’re not that different, you sing a sad song but you’re not alone..."

Saundra walked anxiously into the clinic. She had never been to one of these places before. There was only one thing she had come here to find out, and she hoped that she was wrong. The television ad said that it was all free which was the only reason why it was even possible. Trevor sure wasn’t going to offer to pay for anything. She still couldn’t believe how fast he had started ignoring her when she had told him. She closed her eyes, swallowed hard and found herself up at the counter.

"Is this your first time here miss?"The nurse almost spat out at her.

"Yes ma’am it is."She stammered. The nurse handed her a clipboard. As she reached out for it her hands were visibly shaking. She clutched the clipboard in hand and reacted quickly to catch the dropping pen. The expression on the nurses’s face changed from grotesque to sympathetic, but Saundra was too tranced to notice. She was looking at the form she presumed she would have to fill out. There were so many questions to answer. Reality came back into focus as the nurse gently said,

"You can take a seat over there." She pointed toward the waiting room. Saundra slowly moved to the room and found a seat. She had just begun filling out the questions when tears starting to brim in her azure eyes. She looked up at the ceiling, blinked back the drops, and shook herself. She heard the calming voice of her mother very clearly in her mind,

"No matter what happens, you’ll be O.K. You’ve always been the strong one, and you’ve proven you can get through anything." The pacifying words were extremely familiar, she couldn’t count how many times she had heard them. The whisper of her mothers quieting voice was poignant reminder of the graveyard she was going to visit later. This thought could have brought the tears streaming but she steeled herself and continued on. She completed the forms question by grueling question, guessing at a few of the answers. Then the wait began. She hadn’t noticed how many others there were in the room. She was even more amazed to find that many of them looked like they could be in her same situation. A few of them looked even younger than she was although their condition left them with a rounder figure than she had. She wondered if it would be very long before she looked like that. Now she felt like crying for all of them. The cumulative tension was almost too much to bear. Saundra could only imagine how many ulcers were forming as they waited. The clock on the wall ticked away in cruel mocking. Slowly, the next patient was called, and the next. She picked up a magazine and started to try and think about something else. It didn’t work. She carelessly flipped through the pages until she saw a picture of a mother holding her baby. She knew that her actions had been stupid, and she wished, with all of the wishes that were left inside of her, that she could turn back time and fix her mistake. She had to wonder what life would have been like had she not...

"Miss are you ready?" She looked up into the face of a smiling nurse and, resigning herself to her fate, replied,

"Yes." No! I’m not ready! I can barely take care of myself, how am I going to care for a helpless child? Saundra followed the nurse down the corridor into a small exam room. The nurse gave her something that looked like a punch cup.

"I need you to give me a urine sample." Saundra took the cup to the bathroom and did as she was told. She came back, gave it to the nurse and sat on the exam table. She was given a quick examination and was then led to the door.

"We’ll let you know what the results are in a few days." The nurse informed her while ushering her out the door. Once outside she let a tear form and fall down her forlorn cheek.

"What am I going to do?" She whispered to herself. Silence was the only possible answer. Show don’t tell

"Battered angel ripped and bruised, can think on better days.."

Charice glared at the clock in wretched anger. She’d watched the hands of that stupid clock all freakin’ day move slower than m’lasses in the winter time. Grandma Moses kin move faster than my afternoons. This afternoon had been nothin’ but crap. The office had been so stuffed she hadn’t even gotten the afternoon off that her supervisor had promised her. She’d practically bitten some poor girl’s head off too, but she didn’t mean to. She was just so bone weary, she couldn’t stand it any more.

Work had just started to depress her. Charice mentally kept a check list of all the girls that came in to be tested for pregnancy every single day. She couldn’t believe it herself until she started counting. Sometimes she wondered why she even cared, but really she knew. Every single one of these girls had made the same stupid mistake her baby sister had made, but instead of gettin’ knocked up, Kara was gonna die, from AIDS. She still couldn’t believe it. Kara had told her the night before about her test results. Charice didn’t even know that Kara was needin’ to be tested. And now, Kara wanted her to help tell the rest of the fam’ly! Charice didn’t know how Momma was gonna take it. Momma had slaved every day of their lives to make sure that they had a better chance than she did. Now Kara done the same thing Momma had, only instead of gettin’ an extra mouth ta feed they were loosin’ one instead. Something that no one was gonna get none to happy over. She dreaded tellin’ ‘em all, but knew Kara couldn’t do it alone. She checked the clock again. Finally!

She packed up her things, punched out, and raced to her car. She was meetin’ Kara at her apartment to talk over how they were gonna tell ev’ryone. She drove the few blocks it took ta git to Kara’s. She parked fast and ran up to the door. Knock Knock Knock! No answer. Knock Knock Knock! No answer. Cherice’s blood ran cold and her heart screamed Karaaaaaaaaaaaa! She found her spare key quickly hoping that her thoughts were far from reality. She quickly opened the door. Nothing could have prepared her for what lay in front of her. Break the rules

"Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit..."

Trevor finished his laps and sat under a near by lamp post to stretch out. His thoughts turned to the thing that had been consuming his mind for the past several weeks, Saundra. He cringed at the thought of her. How could I be so stupid? He never wanted to hurt her, for that matter, he didn’t want to leave her, but he had to. Couldn’t she see that? Ever since his parents had died the reality of having to make it on his own came crashing down on him. Running was the only way he could get out of the mess he was in...

Trevor was the star of his high school track team. His winnings had given him national attention and now he had a chance to own the world. He’d been offered a full ride scholarship at the some of the biggest universities in the country. The university he had chosen wasn’t even in this state let alone anywhere near Saundra. He ached that he had to go, but if he didn’t his whole life would turn into exactly what he’d feared the most when his parents died. College was his only chance!

"What about what you did to her..." he heard his conscience say. It pricked until it almost bled.

"I’ll work a night job so I can send her money. Maybe someday she’ll have me back. Then I could give her a real life, not some poor excuse for one."

"Why don’t you just take her with you?"

"She’d never want to come, besides the housing they pay for is strictly all male. I can’t afford anything else." Trevor squeezed the side of his aching head.

"Oh, so just because you can’t afford it she has to stay here and suffer, possibly the pains of child birth, without so much as a wing and a prayer to survive?" A drop fell from his cheek.

    "I’m doing the best I know how...so just shut up! Just SHUT UP! Insight

     

     

"...you’ve been forever forsaken by the one that you love..."

The mist fell like tears down from heaven as Saundra wore the path to here parent’s grave. As she glanced upward into the bleak void above her she noticed the dancing crimson leaves on a nearby tree. A cold wind wrapped it’s icy fingers around the back of her neck and held on for dear life. The smell of self mulching leaves mixed with rain wafted up to her icy little nostrils and found their way inside. The pat... pat... pat... pat of the rain was the only sound within her head. Afraid to speak she stood in silence numbing herself to more than just the cold. She knew what she had to confess. She found solace in the thought that the darkest part of the night is just before the dawn, and it gave her the strength to start her confession.

Another small crack formed on her heart. She began to feel the ripping again upon her soul. She began the journey of laying her naked forsaken spirit before her parents in hopes that they would somehow have some bright ray of hope that they could give her. As the words formed and fell from her mouth she felt as if she was eating the putrid delicacy of vintage blubber. The words tasted of poison and salt. They slid up and down the back of her throat, not coming out willingly. Through halting sentences and eyes swimming in pools she bore her darkest secrets to the graves before her...hoping that these secrets might stay here, far underneath the ground she was standing on.

With confession complete she sank to her knees and clutched the almost frozen blades of grass, that might as well have been blades of steel. She reached out to the graves before her and felt the cold almost imperceptibly ragged marble that she knew had absorbed nothing. She closed her sagging eyes thinking how nice a rest would be. She again breathed in the scent of autumn taking its course. Numb to reality, she could only feel warmth emanating from the ground. Numb to all now, a glorious warmth created a heaviness on her body, lulling her into a restful state. Her eyes fell a thousand miles to their temporary destination of peace. Sensory Detail

"...life is rude, treats you bad, tears your wings away..."

Kara could hear Charice at her door, but couldn’t do anything to get there. She found herself on the floor not being able to obey her own will. The knocks she heard were so far distant seeming almost in a dream. The light was dim, the feeling unfamiliar, and she was slowly... losing...con..scious..ne.ssssss.

Blinking slightly Kara found herself staring into a bright light. All she could see was white, and all she could feel was pain. She found herself wanting to retreat back into the dark tunnel. Seeking for something not so blinding, and something else to dull the ache. Retreating was the only viable option at this point. She couldn’t see any reason for continuing this torture. Completing her self analysis she decided it was best to just slip back into what was such a welcoming blissful release...

"Kara, honey please don’t leave us..." Where would I have to go? I am not going anywhere bad, and I’ll be back soon I promise. With the solemn vow made she curled back up into herself to calmly wait out the storm.

Charice listened to the rain outside. What had started as a drizzle had expanded quickly into a full blown torrent. She looked down at her sister once more. What had begun so simple had now become something too complicated to understand. She wasn’t even sure if she was ready to try and comprehend her life without Kara. She also realized she didn’t have a choice. So sure of her life up until this time, it was a disquieting thing to realize. Choices have a funny connection to control. Control seems to relate to security. When choice is truly limited, there is no control, there is no security to hold on to. So we wait only to find that the choice that could have been made to undo all that has been done, is a choice that is not ours. No choice that could save a baby sister..no control over her fate..no security in her life. Now there was only security in death...something that isn’t conducive to the security one would like to get used to. Rhythm

 

 

"...took the midnight train goin’ anywhere..."

The fresh morning dew underneath Trevor’s feet was the balm of gilead to his soul. As it soothed the callouses on his worn heals it brought healing to his wounded heart. He could almost feel the soothing medicine on the edge of his spirit, trying to ease the pain. That is until he remembered Saundra. Once the thought of her wrested on his soul, there was no chance at the hurt could be prevented. Like flesh being torn from his limbs, his mind brought back the foolish mistakes that were no longer retractable. The tears still came when he thought about her. The baby had been brought into this world just one week ago. He was now a father, able to pass down the mistakes that fathers make. His heart bled as the realization hit him that he would never see this child of his. Jessica was being put up for adoption. His heart on the verge of bursting whispered,

"What have you done?" Unwilling to suffer this cardiac arrest any longer his mind started to race. What could be done now? Things surely couldn’t be changed at this late date, could they? Then he remembered something he loved to hear her say. The thought had many times brought him solace.

"Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it." She said it came out of her favorite movie, Jan of Blue Stables or something. But he’d let her go. She pled and entreated, but he’d set his resolve too hard on what he thought would make him happy. He thought it would eventually make them both happy. Surely mistakes of this caliber were an exception to that rule? In an instant another voice entered his head,

"But what if..." For the first time since moving to this glory town Trevor had a new vision of what his life could be like. He envisioned Saundra and he finding each other again. What if she could still want him? What if they could keep the baby? His resolve was set. He jumped up, ran back to his apartment, and started to pack. He was so excited. For the first time in what felt like forever he saw things clearly, and he was going to make things right again....Contrast

 

"...I know how you feel lonesome dove..."

Saundra sat in the kitchen watching the cars as they past outside her window. She snapped out of the trance and trudged the long hall to her bathtub to begin the journey of filling her bath. The water running, she stood almost still only moving as much as would allow her to remove her robe. Her life for the next two hours was put on pause as she tried to regain some fragment of will to hang on to. She closed her eyes and could see...Trevor running his races.

"Trevor, wait for me..." Her head snapped up realizing again that their paths were never likely to cross. She stepped slowly from her comfort, and performed the arduous tasks of dressing, getting a glass of water, and stepping outside of her closed off area to try and enjoy a morning walk. She rounded the corner of her sidewalk, and turned right back around to run back to her apartment. Trevor followed suit and caught her arm.

"Let me go!" She almost screamed.

"I already made that mistake," he whispered. "I don’t want to do that ever again." Saundra sagged against him letting tears make tracks down her face. He took her keys from her and they went inside. He beat the path to her couch and laid her gently down..

" Sandie...I want you back, you and the baby." He visibly cringed as he saw any vestige of her composure crumble.

"It’s too late for that, she’s gone...she’s already gone." His heart wrenched inside of his body.

"Can’t we get her back?"

"No we can’t just get her back she’s legally someone else’s now." She sagged into a pillow wishing she could just...

"Can’t we just tell them it was a mistake?"

"NO mister fix it, it’s done, it’s over, she’s not ours anymore."

"Sandie, will you ever forgive me?" With anguish in her eyes she looked directly at him.

"I don’t know if I can."

 

Dialogue

"...take your schemes, your broken dreams, and sweep the past away..."

Cherice sat on her favorite old chair in the living room watching the sun fall into the mountains to sleep. The clouds were billowy and she was sure they spread all over the sky. The dark hue of the heavy rain clouds were touched with red, orange, and purple while spots here and there of bright blue peeked out from behind the heavy cloud curtains. She pondered on the events of the past day, and thought just how alike her baby sister and this sunset were.

Kara had slipped from her sleep of rest into the arms of the sleep of death. It had happened so fast. Just as the sunset was fleeting, so had been Kara’s life. The red that painted the sky was the fie that had been in her. She was so determined to make the world work for her. It was the passion that she had for life. It was now the reminder to Cherice of the fire that once blazed quickly reduce to a smoulder and was left now as a cold pile of ashes warm only because of the memory.

The orange was for the light that Kara had become to everyone around her. Out of anyone in the entire family it was definitely Kara who could have gone straight to the top. She had the ultimate potential for scholastic success. She had the voice of a Stratvarious violin, and the stage presence of a Goddess. All who knew her wanted to be better because they knew her. She created in all an awareness that life is what you make it. Many were now left in the dark to find fragments of the light now burned out.

The purple was a reminder of the depth that she carried with her. Her insight was that of a great philosopher uncovering new truths on every turn. Only from Kara, these truths were in their simplest of forms and weren’t unpretentious or pompous. Her truth would sorely be missed.

The bright spots of blue were a reminder of her playful spirit unparalleled by any other.

One by one the bright flashes of color disappeared. The bleak grey took over and finished off any light that remained. How poignantly fleeting is greatness... Extended Metaphor

 

 

What Good Is The Rose Whose Thorns Are Too Thick To Reach?

 

      Index

      Show don’t tell 1-2

      Break the rules 3

      Insight 4

      Sensory detail 5

      Rhythm 6

      Contrast 7

      Dialogue 8

      Extended metaphor 9

       

       

Works Cited

    Belliotti, Raymond A. "A Philosophical Analysis of Sexual Ethics." Journal of Social Philosophy. Vol. X, no.3. Sept. 1979. 8-11. Rpt. In. Moral Choices: Ethical Theories and Problems.ed. Joseph Grcic St. Paul, MN: West, 1972.

Brown, Gabrielle, Ph.D. THE NEW CELIBACY. McGraw-Hill: NY. 1980.

    Christensen, F. M. "‘Sexual Harassment’ Must Be Eliminated." Public Affairs Quarterly. 8 January, 1994. Rpt. in Applied Ethics in American Society. Eds. Diane Michelfelder Wilcox and William H. Wilcox. Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt Brace College, 1997.

Insel, Paul M., Ray A. Petersen, L. McKay Rollins, and Walton T. Roth. Core Concepts In Health. 7th ed. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield, 1996.

    Mill, John Stewart. Utilitarianism. Rpt. In Applied Ethics in American Society. Eds. Diane Michelfelder Wilcox and William H. Wilcox. Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt Brace College, 1997.

Nield, John, Psychology. Personal Interview. September 16, 1997.

 

Annotated Bibliography

    Abrahamson, Mark. SOCIOLOGICAL THEORY. Prentice Hall: Englewood Cliffs, NJ. 1981. This is an introduction to concepts, issues, and research topics of sociology. It addresses individuals, society as a whole, sex roles, organization, social conflict, etc.

    Belliotti, Raymond A. "A Philosophical Analysis of Sexual Ethics." Journal of Social Philosophy. Vol. X, no.3. Sept. 1979. 8-11. Rpt. In. Moral Choices: Ethical Theories and Problems.ed. Joseph Grcic St. Paul, MN: West, 1972. This article is one of many in a series of arguments for and against sexual activity. Belliotti is for sexual activity outside of marriage.

    Berger, Peter L. INVITATION TO SOCIOLOGY: A Humanistic Perspective. Doubleday: NY. 1963. This book explores the implications of consciousness as they relate to sociological issues. It also looks at the roles that society and individuals play on each other.

    Brown, Gabrielle, Ph.D. THE NEW CELIBACY. McGraw-Hill Book Co. NY: 1980. This book explores the burn out that has become widespread due to the sexual revolution. More and more people are choosing to be celibate and it shows the many positive aspects of remaining that way.

    Cozic, Charles P. SEXUAL VALUES Opposing Viewpoints. Greenhaven Press: San Diego. 1995. This is a series of articles that present opposing opinions that cover morality, gays and lesbians, pornography, sexual values taught to children, and changing sexual behavior in America.

    Gordon, Milton M. THE SCOPE OF SOCIOLOGY. Oxford University Press: NY. 1988. This book presents the connections between old and new sociology. It also explains foreign and domestic sociological differences. It touches on sex, race, economic, and political issues as they deal with sociology.

    Gouldner, Alvin W. THE COMING CRISIS OF WESTERN SOCIOLOGY. Basic Books: NY. 1970. This book explores the fallacies of western philosophy. It takes some of the fundamental philosophers and ideas and breaks them down into pros and cons.

    Insel, Paul M., Ray A. Petersen, L. McKay Rollins, and Walton T. Roth. Core Concepts In Health. 7th ed. Mountain View, CA: Mayfield, 1996. This is a textbook that contains heath facts and presents ways by which people can create healthy lifestyles.

    Katchadourian, Herant A. and Donald T. Lunde. FUNDAMENTALS OF HUMAN SEXUALITY. Holt, Rinehart and Winston: 1972. This book is an objective, detailed, explicit, and accurate source of sexual information. It provides facts, not opinions on the Anatomy, Physiology, Biology, Psychology, Sociology, Law, and Morality aspects of sex.

    Lee, Alfred McClung. ed. Principles of Sociology. Barnes and Noble: NY. 1967. This book outlines sociological principles and incorporates many points of view. It covers social problems, collective behavior, institutions, and socialization of the individual.

    Michael, Robert T. et al. Sex in America A Definitive Survey. Little, Brown & Co.: Canada. 1994. This book is summary and explanation of the results of a refined survey of the sexual activity of average Americans. The scientists that developed the survey say that it is unlike any other survey done on the subject in that it is not inherently flawed, it is done with random sample, and the resulting data reveals not just what we do sexually, but how society shapes even our most private sexual experiences.

    Mill, John Stewart. Utilitarianism. Rpt. In Applied Ethics in American Society. Eds. Diane Michelfelder Wilcox and William H. Wilcox. Fort Worth, TX: Harcourt Brace College, 1997. This is a book that lays out John Stewart Mill’s philosophies on Utilitarianism.

    Nield, John, Ph.D. of Psychology. Personal Interview. September 16th 1997. Dr. Nield gave me a list of conditions necessary for "good" sex.

 

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