Sentence Variety
Do you like action movies? How long is each clip during the tense parts
of the show? Even two seconds makes a rather long clip in an intense
fight or chase scene. This continual change does two things: it keeps you
on the edge of your seat as your mind is forced to continually absorb and
quickly interpret new images, and it builds a fast, almost staccato, rhythm.
Just as with your word choice, the length of your sentences affects the
tone of your paper. Short, quick sentences add tension and style. They
wake up your reader. Longer sentences seem more formal and relaxed, but
variety is again a key.
Variety is always a key for effective contrast. Most thriller movies don’t
keep your heart racing for the full ninety minutes. They let you relax,
thinking everyone’s safe, only to make you jump out of your seat when the
monster or killer reappears. Contrast makes things stand out.
Your writing is usually much easier to pay attention to when you
use sentence variety. Some short, some long. Until practicing creating
sentence variety, most writers get comfortable with a certain sentence
length and most sentences come out about the same, yet sentence variety
may be the quickest, easiest way to improve your writing during revision.
Simply join some sentences together or cut others in two.
Read the last paragraph out loud and notice how the sentence variety
feels. Notice the effect of the shortest sentences in particular. Even the
commas make a difference by adding subtle pauses.
Exercise 1: write paragraphs on the following topics. Write each
paragraph with four sentences of the following length: 1st: approximately 8
words, 2nd 2-3 words, 3rd 4-5 words, 4th at least 12 words. Then read your
paragraphs out loud and observe the rhythm. Extra credit for using short,
hard words in the shortest sentences. (Note: 8/2/4/12 is not a “secret
formula” for perfect rhythm. It simply has enough contrast in sentence
length to make the contrast stand out.)
» Grandma’s cookies » A classroom scene
Box, Tip, Peck
Crackle
Strong
Power
Apostrophe
Languish
Embellishment
118 The Art & Craft of Writing Practice Makes Perfect
» A rainy day » A summer vacation memory
» Driving a car or riding a bike » A scene from a movie
Examples:
» I never understood what made Grandma’s cookies so good. I love them!
They’re just so tasty. With one bite, I feel like I’m six years old again,
carefree and happy with nothing to do but play all summer long.
» The professor droned on about his love for calculus. My eyes drooped.
I couldn’t stay awake. I knew I would never understand his sentiments,
much less the homework he had already assigned.
» I stared out the window at the stormy spring day. I sat motionless. Rain
ran down the pane. I knew I should go watch TV or do something to
take my mind off the dreary weather, but I couldn’t make myself move.
Exercise 2: rewrite the following sentences. Make some sentences
longer, some short - remember that the short parts are the ones that will
stand out the most. Feel free to make some extremely short and add short
words and hard sounds (or vice versa for the longer sentences) as well.
Feel free to change the meaning or add any additional information as
necessary.
» I looked at the pitcher. He looked at me. I tightened my grip on the bat.
Sweat dripped down my nose. The crowd cheered. I held my breath.
The pitcher wound up. The ball flew through the air. My arm muscles
tensed.
Example: Standing at the plate on that October night in Houston, the
humidity forced sweat to trickle down my nose. I glanced toward the
mound only to see the pitcher staring me down, spinning the ball in his left
hand and kicking dirt from his right spike. I took a couple swings to loosen
the tension but it was no use. The crowd knew it, I knew it, he knew it.
The season, my career, would be decided by this pitch. I tightened the grip
on my bat as I saw him go into his wind up. I could do nothing but hold
my breath as he released the ball and it came at the plate in seemingly
slow motion. I don’t remember deciding to swing, but I did, and here I am
now… (Joel Walker).
» I went to the store. I bought a puppy. I bought some dog food. I
bought a leash. The puppy was brown. It had white spots. It was cute.
I could hardly wait to take it for a walk.
» Culture shock results from various stages of adjustment to travel in
different areas. Early stages include pre-trip excitement and anxiety,
arrival euphoria and stress. Later stages follow the challenges and
triumphs of adjusting to ever-more subtle differences from the culture
of origin. Understanding these up and down waves can help travelers
understand what they’re going through and better deal with the
challenges of travel.
» We searched for days up and down the avalanche, plunging our ninefoot
poles deep into the slide’s belly, and always coming up empty,
except for the occasional rock, log, or tree branch that got swept
8: Contrast 119
Practice
down along with the billions of gallons of snow that slid from the high
reaches of Robert’s Horn the day after Christmas and buried seven
snow boarders, four of whom escaped – two of them twice because
after they managed to dig themselves out from the first avalanche
– or perhaps it was the second that first caught them – a miraculous
feat in and of itself, the next slide came thundering down the narrow
gully and sent them for a second potentially-deadly ride down the
steep mountainside of the Primrose Cirque, A.K.A. Avalanche Café,
as I named it on a sunny afternoon date with Britt oh, so many years
ago. Anyway, we searched and searched and finally found the last of
them on Easter Sunday after ten or twenty feet of snow had melted
from the slide’s base, which brought some relief, or at least a sense of
closure, to the families, and we were able to get back to our own lives
and the other responsibilities which we had willingly allowed to pile up
while we climbed the fallen snow with probes, dogs, shovels, and even
several ground penetrating radars (GPR).