Abstractions

exist in the
physical world and help readers to understand exactly what you mean
when you say “It was hot.” Describe your observations collected with your
five senses and you have begun to apply concrete details.
“The circular stove burner glowed bright red.” Now that’s hot. That’s
something readers can relate to. They can imagine the warmth emanating
from the burner, and they cringe at the thought of reaching out and
touching the glowing iron. Concrete details employ words describing
texture, taste, color or other sensory information to let readers gather
experiential information from paper and ink.
Most people have an easier time processing concrete details than
abstractions. Some entire cultures and languages show a preference for
concrete over abstract thought. We live in a very concrete world, after all.
Concrete details are therefore easier for readers to grasp (literally).
Read the following paired passages. The first explains a concept using
mostly abstractions, the second adds concrete details for a much stronger
effect.
Abstract: The car was perfect. The mere thought of it sent a thrill
through her body. She had to own it. All through class, her mind traced its
image over and over. Her nervousness wouldn’t let her do anything, life
was an utter waste until the car was hers.
Concrete: Every beautiful square inch of candy-apple red paint
glistened in the bright September morning sun. Erin caressed the car’s
smooth lines with her green eyes from the finger print-smeared school bus
window. From the thin red racing stripes running from bumper to shining
chrome bumper, to the lightly tinted windows, to the low-profile tires, this
100 The Art & Craft of Writing racing machine took her breath away. The pressure of thick, syrupy desire
made her heart nearly stop beating in her chest. At school, she could
think of nothing else–algebra, English, even parenting just floated by like
a stagnant breeze. At lunch, she sat at the table and held her fork in her
fingers, but couldn’t force herself to eat. “Probably best,” Erin thought,
pushing the plate of mystery meat and rubbery vegetables away from
her. “My life is worth nothing until I have those car keys in my hand,” she
muttered.
Abstract: It was a hot day at the beach.
Concrete: The sidewalk burned the soles of my feet, then the sand as
I ran down the beach toward the cold ocean.
Abstract: I didn’t like my new piano teacher.
Concrete: Something in the way she dressed in her old, green, stiff
formal gown when she answered the door for my first lesson, or the way
she patted me on the head and smiled condescendingly, told me that I
would shortly lose my enthusiasm for piano lessons. Minutes later, while
nursing my stinging fingers where her ruler had punished my fingers for
playing an accidental sharp, my first impressions were confirmed.
Abstract: Young children can be difficult to control and teach. Their
minds have not yet developed the necessary skills to solve complex or
even simple problems. Even so, their lives seem in no way incomplete.
They live surrounded by unbounded mysteries and wonder. We could learn
about life from children.
Concrete: Young children often experience difficulty learning even
what seem to an older mind to be the simplest lessons. Before a certain
age, children can not grasp that a square peg will not fit into a round hole,
for example. They only know that the colorful pegs make delicious noises
when tossed against the wall or dropped on the floor. Despite their limited
cognitive skills, they live surrounded by unbounded mysteries and wonder.
Their tiny hands reach out to grasp everything within reach. They don’t
stop at touching, either, as most objects are immediately pulled into their
tiny, slobbery mouths in an effort to experience life completely and fully—a
valuable lesson from which most adults could benefit.
Abstract: Identity can be one of the most empowering of all concepts.
Yet so many modern youth seem to be so caught up in icons of popular
culture that they remain unaware of who they are and what they are
capable of.
Concrete: No force can long restrain an individual with a clear picture
of her or his identity and potential. In the first place, fears born from
insecurities fade or disappear altogether. Someone aware of possessing a
beautiful voice is more likely to sing in the shower, in the car, and to feel
more relaxed singing before a crowd. A basketball player able to hit 9 of
7: Show not Tell 101
10 3 point shots will more likely want the ball in the final seconds of a tied
game. After all, if they can’t pull out a win, who can?
Such knowledge creates more than mere expectations. Such an
individual actually feels compelled to act according to this inner awareness.
This compulsion is as real and compelling as a gnawing hunger. Living
below one’s known potential feels like the driver of a new Ferrari who must
conscientiously drive at or below the speed limit for fear of speeding tickets
when the open, empty highway beckons and the powerful engine screams
to be tested and freed, to be given its head and sprint like a thoroughbred.
Why is it, then, that we don’t see a larger proportion of our modern
youth excited about learning? So many of them are brilliant, after all. Why
do we not find even more of them developing talents to rival the great
masters? With more technology and advanced teaching tools available to
them than ever before, such things fall increasingly within their grasp.
One answer is that despite many societal advances, growing up remains
as confusing as ever. Who is there to take teens by the hand or shoulder
or ear and tell them “This is who you are.” Who is able to hold up a magic
mirror to their eyes and say “Look at your potential”?
It’s not that most pop musicians are in any way qualified for such a
job, but Hollywood marketing moguls know just how to insert and twist
the knife. “You are a rebel,” they suggest. “You are an individual,” they say
without providing helpful information about what that means. Instead, they
merely allay these newly-discovered individuals’ greatest fear: “You are not
your parents.”
Having told these growing children or young adults what they most
want to hear, they then feed them an easily digested fast-food diet of
identity: “You are a Brittany fan.” “You love Metallica.” Voilá. Instant
identity. McCulture saves the day. Problem solved, case closed.
What all these messages add up to culminates in a single unconscious
message: “You are a consumer. Money purchases freedom and happiness.
Stick with the crowd and you will always be safe.” True identity and
potential – more difficult to identify and develop – are forgotten.
Books like Brave New World, 1984, The Giver and Anthem describe a
conformist world where government has brainwashed the populace into
total conformity. With the passing of the McCarthy years, such fears
appear paranoid and unfounded. It seems the authors may have been
right after all, except that a new, unforeseen controlling power has arisen.
If Karl Marx were alive today, he would surely point out that “Pop
culture is the opiate of the masses.”
Abstract: I miss my ex-girlfriend.
Concrete: Sometimes when the day slows down and there’s nothing
that I have to do and nowhere I have to be, I catch myself sitting quietly in
my car parked in the driveway. I’ve turned the radio off and stare straight
ahead at the garage door. My mind has gone blank, but I’m filled with an
emotional memory of the hours I used to sit there and talk with Cindy. In
such moments, I’ve forgotten why we ever broke up.
102 The Art & Craft of Writing Practice Practice
Can you see why concrete details are so important to show not tell?
Exercise: For each of the following sentences, make a list of concrete
details that could be used to illustrate the abstract ideas.
1. Technology is increasing at a surprising rate.
2. Although over 90% of the world’s population lives in urban areas,
the countryside still offers a simple charm that can’t be replaced with
quicker-paced city life.
3. There’s no place like home for the holidays.
4. Drinking and driving don’t mix.
5. Relationships are both wonderful and complicated.