Dialogue

Dialogue can do things for your paper that nothing else can. Used well,
it characterizes people with one sentence better than an entire paragraph
of explanation could accomplish. Dialogue adds variety and interest,
speeds up the pace, and “shows” emotion and other important information
extremely well.

In the true spirit of Show not Tell, dialogue lets your readers hear the
evidence and then judge for themselves what to make of a situation. If
you tell us that a character was upset, that’s one thing. But show their
reddening face, their clenched fists, and their words—”Get yer sorry [hind
end] out o’ my house before I…”, well, readers have no more room for
doubt.

In formal papers, dialogue (called quotes) can protect you. If you say
something controversial, your readers may dislike or judge you (see ethos)
and thus make your paper less effective. But if you quote someone else as
having said it, you’re safe and you still got your point across.

Five keys are critically important to build effective dialogue:
1. Use realistic words. If a typical teen is talking, don’t quote them as
saying, “I am going to the store.” They almost never say that. It comes out more like, “I’m goin’ to the store,” or “I’m gonna go shopping.” Use contractions, slang, anything to make it sound realistic.
2. Add description. Dialogue is rarely as effective if it’s just the talking.
When people talk on movies or in real life, they’re surrounded by many
objects and other visual stimuli. All these add context and enrich the
meaning. You might describe the way the characters dress, stand, etc.
You could describe the setting—is it rich or poor, rugged or refined,
comfortable or otherwise? All these details make a difference. Even on
radio, you can hear inflection, accents, tone, and pitch, which provide
plentiful clues as to the speaker’s identity and feelings. In writing, you
must make up for these deficiencies by other means such as adding
details and description.
3. Add action. This is similar to description, but is important enough to
merit its own bullet. This includes characters’ movements, expressions,
and other actions. When someone asks how your day has been, does
it make a difference whether they’re looking at you or watching TV?
Of course it does. If two characters are taking a walk in the canyon,
including details (don’t forget sensory details here) can fill out the
experience and make it more realistic, which serves to make the words
even more powerful.
4. You can include internal dialogue as well (thoughts). If you have both
external (spoken) and internal dialogue, you can differentiate by using
italics for the internal dialogue. Be careful with this one though—it
sounds weird if you seem to know thoughts of other characters.
It’s usually best to show their actions, expressions, and words that
demonstrate their thoughts—the same way that you came to “know”
them.
5. You can add ideas or themes to anything. This is the least common
of these five keys, but can sometimes be used effectively. It’s most
common that dialogue is added to passages of abstract themes rather
than intentionally adding themes to dialogue.

Dialogue Example (find many more in Part 14):
I slept soundly until my tent rustled again and woke me. I felt dazed
and groggy, not fully awake, and then a voice spoke to me through the
thin fabric.
“Room 25, it’s 6:30. This is your wake up call. “
6:30 was far too early to be up. I knew it couldn’t be more than 20
degrees outside, so I curled up a little tighter and tried to ignore Annetta.
“Sir? Sir?” she called through the tent, then shook it vigorously. “Sir,
are you alive?”
“Yes, I’m alive,” I answered, rolling over and noticing the depression my
body had made in the snow under the tent floor overnight. I could tell it
was still dark outside the tent. “Is this room service? Could you send up
some hot chocolate, please?”
“Sorry, sir, today’s special is oatmeal. Would you like apple cinnamon or
brown sugar and maple?”
Even oatmeal in bed was more than I had hoped for. “Which would you
recommend?”
“I recommend whichever one I happen to pull out of my pack in the dark.”
“Sounds excellent, I’ll take that please.” My eyelids drooped shut again as
Annetta’s footsteps crunched through the snow toward the center of camp.
A moment later I awoke again as the zipper of my tent opened. I thought
I noticed a little more light in the sky now. I could hear the sounds of others
moving around camp and the hiss of camp stoves heating more water. Annetta
stepped into the tent, kicking a bit of snow in with her boots, and handed me
a steaming bowl of oatmeal. I sat up in my bag, reaching out for the bowl
while trying to keep the bag sealed tightly around me.
“Thanks! If you’ll sit down for a moment, I’ll get your tip.”
Annetta sat down cross-legged next to my backpack and watched as I ate.
I finished, scraped my bowl, and closed my eyes. It felt good to be warm
inside. “That hit the spot,” I said, leaning down on one elbow. “Now for my
after-breakfast nap.”
“How can you sleep, Spencer?” she asked, brushing a few chunks of snow
toward the door. “We’re on vacation, there’s no reason to sleep in.”
“Jet lag, I guess.”
Annetta just shook her head. “Crossing one time zone doesn’t create jet
lag. And besides, you gained an hour. For you it’s almost eight o’clock.”
“Must be the altitude, then. Without as much oxygen, my body needs
more sleep to function.”
“We’re only at eight thousand feet, there’s plenty of oxygen.”
“Maybe…” I was running out of excuses.
“Maybe you’re just lazy,” Annetta offered.
“Yes, that’s it, that’s the word I was looking for.” Annetta laughed, then
leaned forward as if she to kiss me. “Ah, yes,” I said, sitting back up, “your
tip, I almost forgot.”
Just as I closed my eyes, she slipped her hand behind my neck and
dropped a chunk of crusted snow down my shirt. My eyes shot open, my heart
skipped a beat.
“Get up,” she said, then climbed out of the tent, zipping the door shut
behind her.

Exercise: Using the instructions above, write out a passage using effective dialogue for each of the following situations.
1. Someone dangerously cuts you off in traffic and the passenger in your car gets all worked up.
2. It’s your first semester at college and you miss your little sister terribly. You call on the phone to talk to her.
3. You walk into your apartment and your roommate is on his/her way out. You instantly smell the strong smell of fish that s/he cooked last night, and see the dirty frying pans and dishes still on the counter. You decide it’s time for a confrontation.