Sensory Details

Even when using concrete details, many writers fail to describe any of
the senses except sight. They only cover what “was there.” And they miss
out on a lot of what made the actual experience real and valuable. They
miss out on what makes sinking into a bubbling hot tub better than staring
longingly at a picture of it. They miss out on what makes sinking your
teeth into a rich crème-filled éclair better than flipping through a plastic
menu. They miss out on what makes sinking into the Antarctic ocean more
terrifying than watching it happen on a movie screen.

With a bit of brainstorming and following the following steps, you can
easily and effectively add sensory details to your writing. Impress your
friends! Make money in your spare time!

1. Mention many things in terms of specific body parts. Rain pelting
your forehead and running into the corner of your mouth is more effective
than rain falling on you. Generally, the more specific the body part you
mention, the more realistic the experience will be for your reader.

2. Use metaphors and comparisons to well-known or easily-imagined
sensations. If an orchestral movement was breathtaking, make it as
breathtaking as a springtime plunge into a recently melted pond. If the
cold wind nipped at your face and ears, did it feel like a sharp-toothed
mouse or a nine-foot tall polar bear?

3. Use words that sound like what you’re describing (onomatopoeia).
Metal can clang, tinkle, bong, clunk, rattle, or crinkle, depending on the
size and shape and what’s happening to it. Objects falling into water can
splash or plop. Waves can crash or lap the shore. People can whisper, bark
or scream. Wind can sigh or shriek.

4. Describe individuals’ reactions. If someone closes their eyes and
sighs after a first kiss or sip of hot chocolate, you know it was good. If
their eyes pop open wide in surprise or start breathing fast to try to cool a
burned tongue tip, you can assume otherwise.

5. Describe as many senses as possible. Sight, sound, touch, taste, and
smell. Each one can add a level of depth to the experience of reading.

6. Criss-cross senses. Assign senses to body parts or objects that
don’t really exist. Describe how autumn’s cool, dry air tastes sweet and
refreshing against your face, for example, when everyone knows that faces
don’t have taste buds.

7. Use strong action verbs. Which is stronger—wind blowing through
your hair or whipping your hair against your neck?

Process:
1. Close your eyes and imagine one sense at a time. Write down everything you see, hear, feel, taste, and smell. It may surprise you to discover just how many sensations we experience in almost any situation.
2. Next to several words in your brainstorm, write the specific body parts involved.
3. Describe the reaction (facial expressions, words, other actions) of anyone involved in the sensory experiences.
4. Next to several words from your brainstorm, write several synonyms. Underline the ones that sound like the actual sensory experience (see Contrast > Rhythm for more on making word sounds convey meaning).
5. Next to several words in your brainstorm, write as many associated strong action verbs as you can think of.
6. List and describe reactions of people involved.
7. Brainstorm for comparisons and criss-crossed senses and add them.
8. Now describe the event, using many of the word combinations from your brainstorm.

Metaphor/Simile Examples:
1. While walking through the unfamiliar house in the dark, my foot found an unexpected wall and sang out with pain. My little toe shouted louder than all the others combined with a throbbing vibrato.
2. He punched his fist through the frozen river’s ice and a million unseen needles immediately pricked at his unprotected fingers and hand.
3. The sun finally cleared the horizon and spread like honey butter over the dark valley.

Sensory Details Example:
When we came to a river we looked at each other, cocking an eye brow,
and pursing our lips out in an expression of “what is this river doing here.”
None of us wanted to cross it, but by now we were so far in we figured that
turning around would be tougher than continuing on. Besides we lost the
trail a while back and had no hope of finding it, UVSC had also disappeared
from sight. At least we had mountains as a reference in the direction we
were going. Shoes and socks came off and we stepped into the river. It was
cold, and swift. The low temperatures made our calve muscle tighten up and
spasm, to the point of drawing screams. Then half away across we started
sinking into warm soft gooey mud, up to the knees. The heat felt good on
our now numbing legs As we pulled our legs out of the mud to take another
step, the dark brown mud would ooze down our legs like thick mucus. While
our other leg would sink deeper in the mud. The mud gave off a stench of
fecal matter and sulfur all in one.
On the other side of the river, things continued to get worse for the four
of us. Instead of being dry ground, like we just left, we found the ground
swampy with more mucky brown sludge. We sunk into the brown sludge up
to the top of our ankles as we sloshed through. With each step the muck
sucked at our bear feet trying to restrain us from our goal of getting out.
Once again the burning smell of sulfur, and gagging scent of fecal matter
pillaged its way up into our nostrils, drawing remarks of discussed from all.
At some points the scents were thick enough to taste. As we pushed on the
cat tails got thicker with no hints of a trail. As we pressed on, the cat tails
lashed out at us cutting in to us. Giving us a millions of stinging paper cut
like lacerations over our bare skin. Then seeds from the cat tails attached to
our clothes, and would prickle us every time we moved. Our skin crawled,
craving to be dry, with no more of the fowl smelling mud caked on, with no
more cuts or prickly seeds.
After an eternity we emerged from the swamp, coated in mud, blood and
seeds. We were numb from the waste down, and could not feel anything
below the ankles. When we ran down the hall of flags that day we held our
heads high as we heard people comment on our stench and appearance.
We knew that we had just done something that no one else would ever do.”
(Vick)

Practice Makes Perfect

Exercise 1: Revise the following sentences, exchanging the body parts
mentioned for more specific ones.
1. The rock landed on my foot. (more specific=toes, ankle, etc.)
2. The rain fell on my face.
3. She reached out and touched my arm.
4. My muscles ached after the hike.
5. Goose bumps appeared all over my skin.

Exercise 2: Describe in specific detail how you would react to the
following situations. Include facial expressions, verbal expressions, etc.
Show details that a bystander might observe.
1. Accidentally hitting your thumb with a hammer.
2. Walking down a dark alley.
3. Running into an old best friend while shopping.
4. Watching a movie with a happy ending.
5. Finding a diamond bracelet on the beach.

Exercise 3: Brainstorm up sensory details for the following sentences
using the above steps, then rewrite them and notice how much more
effective they’ve become.
1. He walked gingerly across the tiny, sharp gravel.
2. I couldn’t find any shade to escape the hot sun.
3. My dog licked my fingers, asking for me to pet him.
4. The food tasted delicious.
5. The house smelled familiar.